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Fai_re
Akatsuki Overlord - Deidara
Posts: 463
Join date: 2008-01-15
Location: If I told you, I'd have to bite you to death.
 |  Subject: HidanTema fics Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:15 pm | |
| Here they are... the beginnings of some drabbles I've written up. They're both very imcomplete, but I still want feedback on the teensy amount I have done. Oh, and tell me if I really should write more, please! ***************************************************************** # 1| Spoiler: | | | REMOVED BECAUSE I SAID SO. TALK TO ME IF YOU'RE SRSLY GONNA DIE! |
***************************************************************** That one is going for the prize of first lemon I've ever written... *****************************************************************
# 2
Wind whistled and snow whipped though the air, violently twisting and turning in an endless frantic dance. Trees bend and shuddered, their branches straining against the blizzard.
Two figures trekked through the whipping winds, walking close together. Teal eyes squeezed shut, lavender eyes squinting ahead. An Akatsuki cloak billowed behind them, a red scarf whipped with the wind. A tall scythe with three chilling curved blades and a large closed fan were strapped to their backs, each quivering against their owner’s back as the wind pressed on them.
The figures walked forward through the blizzard, seeming to be in an endless competition to see who would give in first. Any exposed skin felt burned under the freezing ice droplets and deadly wind. They both ignored the aching pain ripping through their tired limbs and dancing across their skin, determined to win the unspoken argument.
*****************************************************************
And that's all! I'm typing more as I speak. I'm full of ideas and inspiration.  Please give me feedback. I hope you enjoyed them!
Last edited by Fai_re on Sat May 24, 2008 12:02 am; edited 4 times in total |
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anikoku
Tobi
Posts: 196
Join date: 2008-01-15
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:43 pm | |
| *feedback* Jk, no, I like them. Heh, good job on your *first* lemon. For that one, I would suggest using less pronouns, though. I know that's the point, leaving out the names, but you could pull a "the". Like, "the S-Rank criminal" or "the blond bitch". But, yeah. Keep going. Keep rumbling on. Maybe you should spoiler-tag the first one, you know. WW's on the board, and soon others will be.   to you. |
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Fai_re
Akatsuki Overlord - Deidara
Posts: 463
Join date: 2008-01-15
Location: If I told you, I'd have to bite you to death.
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:33 pm | |
| Weeeeell thank yew, anikoku! I shall work on the pronoun thing. I like your idea.  Tis been spoiler tagged! Right back atcha!
_________________
"Mafia guys always score."
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Got it memorized?
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Kisame-san
Kisame
Posts: 367
Join date: 2008-01-17
Age: 17
Location: ...feudal Japan with my Inu/Texas
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:59 pm | |
| These are AWSOME Fai_re !!!!! Keep writing, definetly!!! AND FINISH!!! AND POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As always, these are really good! Keep working on them!!!
_________________
~Kisame-san
~Quote Collector
"Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never ever regret anything that made you smile...."
"If god created mankind, then he must have included homeosexuals. So that means god is a little gay himself."
"There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead."
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Fai_re
Akatsuki Overlord - Deidara
Posts: 463
Join date: 2008-01-15
Location: If I told you, I'd have to bite you to death.
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:37 pm | |
| Hurrr... thanks.  Yah... You like it when I finish things, don't you? I'll post em. Definitely.
_________________
"Mafia guys always score."
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Got it memorized?
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Kisame-san
Kisame
Posts: 367
Join date: 2008-01-17
Age: 17
Location: ...feudal Japan with my Inu/Texas
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:09 pm | |
| Welcome! It's true though! And yeah, I like it when you post things! Becuase otherwise I never get to read them! If you don't post these, Hidan-san will get you!! 
_________________
~Kisame-san
~Quote Collector
"Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never ever regret anything that made you smile...."
"If god created mankind, then he must have included homeosexuals. So that means god is a little gay himself."
"There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead."
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Fai_re
Akatsuki Overlord - Deidara
Posts: 463
Join date: 2008-01-15
Location: If I told you, I'd have to bite you to death.
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:17 pm | |
| hur... I know. Oh noes! Hidan!! Nuuuuuu! *cries* I SHALL POST! SU!
_________________
"Mafia guys always score."
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Got it memorized?
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Kisame-san
Kisame
Posts: 367
Join date: 2008-01-17
Age: 17
Location: ...feudal Japan with my Inu/Texas
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:38 pm | |
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_________________
~Kisame-san
~Quote Collector
"Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never ever regret anything that made you smile...."
"If god created mankind, then he must have included homeosexuals. So that means god is a little gay himself."
"There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead."
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anikoku
Tobi
Posts: 196
Join date: 2008-01-15
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:40 pm | |
|  Yes, sempai, put those pictures up there. Or else we can't help you with the editing.  |
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Fai_re
Akatsuki Overlord - Deidara
Posts: 463
Join date: 2008-01-15
Location: If I told you, I'd have to bite you to death.
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Fri Jan 25, 2008 6:47 pm | |
| *crying from all the pressure*
C-can't t-thinkkk.... properllyy....
_________________
"Mafia guys always score."
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Got it memorized?
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Kisame-san
Kisame
Posts: 367
Join date: 2008-01-17
Age: 17
Location: ...feudal Japan with my Inu/Texas
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Fri Jan 25, 2008 6:52 pm | |
| NO!!!!!! CALM!!! WRITE!!!!!!!!! 
_________________
~Kisame-san
~Quote Collector
"Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never ever regret anything that made you smile...."
"If god created mankind, then he must have included homeosexuals. So that means god is a little gay himself."
"There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead."
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Fai_re
Akatsuki Overlord - Deidara
Posts: 463
Join date: 2008-01-15
Location: If I told you, I'd have to bite you to death.
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Fri Jan 25, 2008 7:26 pm | |
| Yes... calm... write.
*quietly types*
_________________
"Mafia guys always score."
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Got it memorized?
|
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Kisame-san
Kisame
Posts: 367
Join date: 2008-01-17
Age: 17
Location: ...feudal Japan with my Inu/Texas
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Fri Jan 25, 2008 7:29 pm | |
| YES!!! 
_________________
~Kisame-san
~Quote Collector
"Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never ever regret anything that made you smile...."
"If god created mankind, then he must have included homeosexuals. So that means god is a little gay himself."
"There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead."
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Fai_re
Akatsuki Overlord - Deidara
Posts: 463
Join date: 2008-01-15
Location: If I told you, I'd have to bite you to death.
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Fri Jan 25, 2008 7:34 pm | |
| *typing*
hn.. I need advice. Should I write a lemon version?
_________________
"Mafia guys always score."
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Got it memorized?
|
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anikoku
Tobi
Posts: 196
Join date: 2008-01-15
| | Subject: Re: HidanTema fics Fri Jan 25, 2008 7:35 pm | |
| Fuck yes. Write it. Write it now. |
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